I broke down on the side of a highway today with a flat. I had taken all of the precautions like getting a "real" tire and rim instead of dealing with the "donut". 

Today during church Pastor kept saying "Praise God in all things".  So I thought "Okay I'm gonna praise Him", then I asked that God would protect us and send help.

Come to find out the company sold me a rim that didn't fit my van thus I had no spare.

 2 different vehicles pulled up in no time at all. 

One guy measured the wheel and was going to let us use his spare to get home on - but it, too, didn't fit.   How often does that happen that someone is willing to loan a stranger their tire and rim?

One guy, Lucky, just basically told Jess let's get it in my truck and get it to Walmart before they close. 

Short of that story - we bought a new tire. While at Walmart in Silsbee - the manager learned I was on the side of the road alone. He asked if anyone had an issue with him fixing Jess' tire before theirs - everyone agreed that was fine.

During the time they were gone I had 19 vehicles stop. Each had 2 folks. I had 38 angels watching over me and protecting me from harm - because they all came at intervals - while I stood on the side of the road.  I had Ryan with us - and his Alzheimer's and Parkinson's was kicking in.  He almost went into panic mode on me once.  I finally got him settled on a pallet on the ground - it was the best I could do for him.

Jess and Lucky got back with the tire - and in short order we were back on the road.  

Lucky refused anything for helping - I offered to pay.  "No ma'am, it's what I do."  I asked, "then can I give you a hug?"  "Yes ma'am, my family are all huggers - I understand a good hug!"  he said.  He got a GOOD hug!  We told him where I live and offered for him to stop in any time - I'd make sure the coffee pot was on.

All I can say is "Praise God in all things" 

We are home - and tomorrow - Jess will take my van back to Silsbee to that manager and have him replace all my tires, buy a spare and a new rim that fits. Since the manager was so kind, his department needs my $$ more than another store. 

Just remember "Praise God in all things!  I am new at praising when things are tough - but I am learning - real fast - that you never know what blessings await you - til you praise even in the tough times.  

I have been contemplating a major change in my life for some time now.  Things don't always turn out how we expect them to and our expectations of others sometimes doesn't come to fruition.

Yesterday I had a dear friend tell me "Before you make any changes you need to look at what you have.  You need to examine all the things that are done for you and with you.  You need to think of your right hand.  If I had 100 right hands like that - I would be a millionaire. You are blessed beyond your imagination."

I laid awake last night thinking of those words and thinking what the right hand does do.  He accepts me with my flaws; he works hard with the abilities he has; he is generous to fault; he comes with baggage that I won't get into - but it's baggage he had nothing to do with and yet he has to carry it; he is destructive and hard headed - almost burning down a gazebo because he didn't listen to me - leaving the van unlocked hooked to the trailer in a city far from home at night - things that could be very costly and he doesn't err on the side of caution - but then he cares about the things I want - and my needs.  He is a perfectionist at the things he does.  He is gentle.  He is kind.  He is someone very precious.  He is a Christian and when I stumble - he is there to pick me up.  I can't ask for more than that.

I cried.  I realized it wasn't him who was my problem as much as Satan trying to come to steal and destroy.  I gave thanks - even for the flaws. I am the bread winner in this house.  It is my name out there on things - and his lack of erring on the side of caution bothers me.  Yet, I examined my own life - and realized I have many more flaws than he.

Families staying together seems difficult.  I was,  and am fortunate,  to have a Christian friend who loves me enough to be honest with me.

I woke this Palm Sunday very grateful for life - for my family - for the love that I am given by those around me - and I am confident in saying, I am very blessed.  

Palm Sunday gives us all hope - hope for a life eternal; hope for a tomorrow - hope in living.

I am back on the road working... the Private Investigations stuff.

 I am also writing on a book about domestic violence - it is taking a toll on me in one way.  It pulls at my heart of how many have gone through such hate and horrific stuff in their lives - and it gives me great joy to share their stories because I am hoping it will give courage and encouragement to others who may be going through the similar or same things.

However, the book is pulling me in a good manner as well! It give me hope for others; it is showing me how AWESOME God is and how when we allow Him to rule our paths - things just seem to work out.

Now, don't get me wrong - just because we/they get out of a bad situation - life isn't always easy.  But, the journey that each has taken - WOW - I can't wait to get this one finished!

I've thought of scriptures "I know the plan I have for you, plans to prosper...."  and "I knew you when you were still in your mother's womb... I prepared a path for you..."

And, I think of the story of the woman at the well - where God already knew how many husbands she had - He already knew the life she was living - yet - He forgave and gave her everlasting water.

We have an awesome undeniably great God!

I'm Going to a Quilt Show

I just finished up doing a quilt show in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.  It was a last minute-get-in show.

Tuesday morning I had been praying for God to open the door for a few more shows and help bring in more cash flow.  Susan Brown, a friend called and asked if I was doing the Oklahoma City show.  I said, "No, I've tried to get into it before and couldn't.  I don't think there was room in the past."

Susan said, "Let me get the phone number and you try it."

I phoned.  The lady said, "Let me call you back in 30 minutes to let you know."

Within one and a half hours, I was in the show.

The weather in Beaumont was horrible.  Absolutely - horrible.  I laughed.  I prayed again, "God, this is sort of funny, but you know I need to load that trailer and can't do so in the rain."  God as my witness - within ten minutes - the rain stopped long enough for us to load me up.  Then it started pouring again.

I still had to make the bank run.  I had sent my runner to go get the license plates for my trailer and to pick up another trailer that was being repaired.  He had forgotten the license plates.  It was a "WHIRLWIND" to get the plates before the close of business at the Orange County Tax Office.  I wasn't a happy camper to be detained an additional hour and half while he went and did what he was suppose to have done earlier that morning.

However, I was determined - that he nor the devil - was going to spoil my joy nor my blessing.

I drove late into the night.  I knew I wanted to get past Dallas.  I also knew that I would be sleeping in my cargo van.  We had converted it with carpet, port-a-potty and a full size bed.  It was refreshing at 1am to crawl to the back, put the curtains up and crawl in my bed.  I slept good until my normal 430am built in alarm clock.

I woke excited about the day!   I was heading to a quilt show!  After a brief visit to the coffee bar inside the store and a 'tinkle' break - I was on the road!  The rain was still falling.  It didn't matter - I was heading north - to a quilt show!

Arriving in Oklahoma City, I prayed for God to help me find a bank - the lady wanted cash since I was a "late arrival".  Driving up I-35 - the junker in me spotted a Rehab sign. I exited, made the U-Turn, to realize it was just their offices.  "Oh well," I thought.  "I'm heading to a quilt show!"

As I made the u-turn to get back on I-35 north - what was there on the corner?  Yes, a bank!

I had to wait ten minutes for them to open.  No problem.  The ladies who waited on me were awesome!  Very kind.  Very considerate.  Yes, I invited them to "The Quilt Show".

I arrived 3 hours early.  Checked in.  And, was amazed when I heard her say, "The helper is ready to get you unloaded!"  OH MY!!!

Andrean and I unloaded.  I went about my merry way of setting up.  I had never done a show like this by myself.  I was sort of scared and sort of excited all at the same time.

I have a favorite scripture that kept running through my head while I worked at getting things set up - Philippians 4:13,  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Yes, I knew everything was going to be okay.

The show could have been better, but I am not going to defy my blessing of being there.  I met a lot of wonderfully nice folks and was invited to two other shows!  And, a phone call was made as well as an email sent to get me into possibly 2 other shows.  I suppose I did something right!

Andrean was at my booth at 4:55pm on Saturday.  "You were the nicest and coolest of all these people, so I figure you deserve to be first.  A lot of these ladies are crabby and ugly."  That made me smile.

Andrean checked that no one else was lined up at the back door and I needed to go on and get my van and trailer moved around.  I did.  Between Adrean, his friend Tyrone, and myself - we had me on the road for 5:40pm.  It was cold.  Wind chill was 19 degrees F.

I drove to Pauls Valley, Oklahoma.  I wanted food - real food.  Sit down and be waited on kinda food.  I found a 59-Diner.  I was about to order the chicken fried steak when the waitress said, "Uhm don't order that - order a breakfast.  Our breakfast cook is on and he doesn't do well with the other side of the menu."  My face slanted side ways - but what the heck.  It was warm in the cafe, she was friendly enough, I could see my van and trailer from where I sat.  I enjoyed my breakfast for supper.  And, I took my time.

I made it to the State line a little after 11.  Crawled in the back and thought I was going to get several hours of good sleep.  1:45am I heard the sleet.  It was hitting on the van as if someone was throwing sand or rocks at the van.

I laid there for a little while to see if the sleet would subside.  It didn't.  All I could think of was, "Drive south!"  I took down the curtains and crawled through the door - with my flannel pajamas still on.  Started the van up - let it warm up - and south I headed.  Once again I was thinking - Dallas - but this time, "get south".

I stopped a little after 3am in Ferris, Texas.  When I pulled into the all night store I noticed 3 police cars.  I figured I was safe.  I slept until the biological clock went off at 430am.  I laid there.  I was tired.  I didn't roll out until after 530am.  This time, however, I did get dressed for the day!

 When I went in, I thanked the clerk/owner for letting me spend the night in his driveway.

I filled my cup up with coffee.  "It's on me." he said.  "Excuse me?" I asked.  "The coffee, it's on me." he repeated.  I smiled.  Thanked the man.  As I walked to my van, I thanked God for the morning blessing.

I made a stop in Huntsville at the Walmart.  I had on a flannel shirt that buttoned in the back.  A little 4 year old, I am assuming, came up to me.  "Ma'am you got your shirt on backwards.  I can help you fix it."

"No sweetie, that's the way I made it." I replied.

"Then you must be one of them CUH-WAAAAAYZEEE coonass like my PawPaw cuz he always does things backwards my daddy says."

Out of the mouths of babes!

The last leg of the trip home was uneventful.  It was good to see Beaumont even if I had been in rain for  most of the day.  The fireplace was roaring.  Burgers and fries were cooking.  Jess had the gate open for me.

It's good to be home.  But it was even more better and exciting to be at a quilt show!  I didn't make the money I thought I should have - but - I learned that I do have an inner strength about me - that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and I can do it as a female.

Never allow anyone to steal your dreams - your goals - your desires.  God says he will give us the desires of our hearts.  I have asked.  I have received.  And, I am not ever going to allow anyone to steal my dreams or desires.

Goal Planning

This is the time of year for goal planning.  I prefer to call it "goal planning" than "resolutions".  Resolutions never seem to work - but when I have to look at the list of "goals" for the year - they are a reminder of things I really felt relevant to accomplish - things I feel/felt led to do.

Since I became single almost 23 years ago - I have taken the last week of each year.  Reflected on my goals, checked off the ones accomplished and queried "why" or "was this was necessary" those that weren't finished up.  I pray, earnestly, for guidance for goal planning.  I believe that God has a path for me and I want to make sure that I am following that path.  As a reminder of the "path" I write down the goals.

One of the things I KNOW for certain that is probably number one on my list - is to get organized and finish projects.  I want to finish my den, get a barn built, finish Langham House - and I also have a few quilt tops in the UFO pile that I want to finish.

I also know for certain that I am need to be more "mission" minded.  I am not sure where God is leading me with this one - so I am going to play it by ear.

I also KNOW for certain that I am tired of hurting, grieving and crying for someone who doesn't want me in his life. (No, it isn't Jess!)  No one can say, "I love you, too" and not want you in their life.  For that I want healing.  And, I am praying for healing.  

I also KNOW for certain that I need a more financial security.  I am hoping getting the brochures mailed to other attorneys will assist in getting an income coming in.  I'm not asking to be rich - but I don't want to worry about bills and how they will be paid.

And, I am looking at going back to college.  Yea, I was a little shocked as well at that one.  Two fold - I want to learn sign language and increase my spanish speaking.  (possible court translating in the future)  I also want to finally be "degreed" instead of just "educated".  That "piece of paper" does make a difference.

I want to be more of a Proverbs 30-31 woman.  I want to prepare my house - I want my home to be God-fearing, loving and kind.

Yes, God has prepared a path for me - and for you - take time to Thank God for this past year - the trials, the good times, the bad times, the tough times - and open your heart - and LISTEN to what He wants you to do for 2013 - that is what I am going to do that - and I know neither of us will be disappointed.

The End of 2012

It's been a while since I wrote on this blog.. shame on me - right?  2012 has offered me lots of ups and downs.  Let me reflect..

I was able to publish two of my children's books - The Four Little Kittens and Annabelle's Vacation With Grandma Hayley.   The later, has one of my original quilt patterns in it.  From now on, all of my books will have an original quilt pattern of mine in them.  Timmy Goes to the Farm is another book that is at publisher's now.  I am hoping 2013 will allow me to publish more of my true crime books and at least 2 more children's books.  We shall see.  The true crime books are based on my case load over my career as a PI.  The first to come out will be The Saga of Joe Elizondo.   I am already working on The Trials of Chambers County.  

I lost a $3,000/mo income this year.  I have struggled to fill that void with other work.  

We were able to finally make the Hurricane Rita repairs to my old office.  We did an inventory and we are hoping in 2013 to get the "store" online.  

I was able to replace my trailer that was destroyed in the wreck a few years earlier.  That was a God-send!  We went to Pigeon Forge this year to a quilt show (thus the background to Annabelle's vacation).  We met some awesome ladies there and just had a great time!  And, got to use my new "red-wagon" (trailer).

I didn't get to see my grandson, yet another year.  He turns 11 years old today.  He looks so much like his daddy.  I snuck into a few of his football games this year to see him.  He is a doll.  A cut up - clown - just like his daddy.  I have asked the daughter-in-law to go to mediation so that I can see my family.  Two years ago I was told "we have no more room in our lives for anyone else."  Yep, that hurt to the core.  Neither my son, nor her, were raised to be cruel.  But, cruel it is to keep my from my grandchild. 

I licensed Larry Linscombe in the PI business the end of the year.  What a blessing - he is smart and does awesome things on the computer!  I am thinking 2013 is going to be a great year for us!

We had several workshops at The Pregnancy Center in Lake Jackson this year.  I LOVE teaching others to QUILT!  I LOVE it!  

About the time I would get started on working on The Langham House - something would happen and we would have to stop.

We grew our own garden and did a tremendous amount of canning.  Which was awesome at cutting our grocery bills!

We got more new chickens - the older ones went to a gumbo pot!  

I have 2 more notes due on my 2 vans and I am finished!  THANK GOD!  I am to the point I hate notes!

I was blasted by someone who I thought was a friend.  I really examined my life and what she said.  I came to the conclusion that I was a threat to her.  I knew her - and how she operates.  I know how she Po-mouths to get people to feel sorry for her.  And, she worked her magic to where several classmates gave $$ and got her a new hot-water heater and a few other things.  I came to the conclusion, also, that I was measured by her own yard-stick.  Her words were cutting and hateful and hurting - but they are words.  God knows my heart  -  not her.

I lost a sweet cousin this year to emphysema.  Donny & his brother Wayne were my two favorite male cousins.  I loved them like brothers of my own.  IRONY:  I was in Mexico when Donny's wife, Judy, died and I was there when he died.  Wayne and Donny were both 66 when they died.  No more pain, no more suffering.  For that I am grateful.  

We did Christmas for 19 little ones this year.  It was my 20th year to do something for others at Christmas - and our group grew this year.  This JOY of seeing those kiddos opening their stockings.  The "WOW this is what I ALWAYS wanted"  or "It's a REAL football! Not a smerf kind!"  "I needed the toothbrush.  I lost mine and haven't had one for a long time"  "I LOVE my TEA SET!"  and the one that really got me?  "SOCKS - I REALLY did need socks!"   The stockings were 3' tall - and full!  Tea sets, trucks, coloring books, colors, toothbrush, toothpaste, socks, gloves, hats, paddle/ball boards, puzzles, pencils, erasers, straws, football - they were SO excited!

I celebrated my 59th birthday this year.  I was grateful for 59 years - even the tough ones.

We are looking forward to 2013.  Lord willing, we will have the Langham House finished, be more out of debt, do more canning and food preparations, be able to give a little more to our fella man and become more of the person I know I am to be.

I've told you some of the good and the bad - why?  Because I want you to know that even through the trials and tribulations that we each has that God loves us.  He knew us when we were still in our mother's wombs, He prepared our path before we ever knew it - and just because we aren't able to DO what we want to do right now - God hasn't forgotten us!  He is walking the journey with us.  Sometimes we just need to sit still and listen.  My wish for you is a VERY HEALTHY, HAPPY & PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!  

For some reason this evening, I feel royally drained - emotionally, mentally - at least.

A client was in court today for a Ferreta Hearing.  This is a hearing where a defendant asks the court to represent himself.  This is a death penalty case - capital murder.  The State of Texas is seeking the death penalty.  The client wants the death penalty.  As he says "None of my family wants me alive anyway."  

I sat in the courtroom today listening to this guy's history.  Dad died before he was born; Mom committed suicide when he was 2.  Because of the SSI checks he received an Aunt and Uncle took him in.  He was beat on a regular basis.  He went to live with his grandparents.  He loved them.  They were his life.  His "PawPaw" died when defendant was 14.  His "MawMaw" died when defendant was 15.  His world crashed.

He has an 8th grade education.  He is street wise and self taught in many ways - some for the good - many others, not for the good.

My heart hurt hearing his story.  He has spent over 1/2 of his life in and out of prisons or institutions.  

Sitting quietly in the gallery behind him, defendant turned to ask one of the guards who was the lady in street clothes.  The officer told him.  The defendant looked at me.  "Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm your private investigator." I said.

"Who is paying you?" he asked.

"I am court appointed just like your attorney is," I replied.

"I guess you hate me too?" he asked.

"No, I like you and I have sat back here praying for you during this hearing." I responded.

Big Bad Defendant melted.  The courtroom was silent.  No one said a word.  And, Big Bad Defendant never uttered another cuss word.

I look at clients like him and wonder with all the smarts that he has learned on his own, what he would have been like if someone would have just loved him?  What made him turn out to be a racist?  What made him hurt so badly that he wants to hurt others?

I think of the furniture and other things that have been discarded on the roads that I pick up and refurbish.  I think of my own life and the flaws I have.  So many times we discard people simply because they don't add up, because they aren't what we as a society think they should be.  "The Lost Ones" as I was told today.  

I'm glad that God doesn't give up on us.  I am glad that God doesn't discard us just because of our flaws.  And, perhaps one day, Big Bad Defendant will remember there was a gray haired lady sitting behind him that said she was praying for him.  And, I did - for well over 2 hours.  

No one is perfect.  We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God....who am I to discard another human?  I may not associate with certain ones, I may stay clear of others....but I am not discarding a life....and in the end....maybe Big Bad Defendant will accept Jesus as his Savior and ask for forgiveness....and maybe somewhere he will learn to forgive himself.  We all deserve that opportunity.