Abuelito

For over 35 years on my trips to Las Flores, Progresso, Tamulipas, Mexico, an old man had always found me.  His wife made candy pralines that he would sell on the streets.  The weather never seemed of consequence to his labor  - no matter whether hot/cold - rain/sunshine - "Abuelito" was always around.

He had a huge smile.  I always got a hug from him.  In his later years he would be slower than normal in his walk - but he stood tall as a young man would and he had a gentle character about him.

During a trying time in my life, I would frequent Las Flores - not to buy  - but to hide and enjoy the sights and sounds.  I studied the culture of the people - the way they would do things.

One trip over, Abuelito sat down next to me at my favorite taquito stand.  I was sipping on a Mexican coke, crying.

Abuelito asked me what was wrong - in my broken spanish I told him.

Abuelito, reached into his pocket, pulled out his handkerchief, and wiped my tears.  Then he said, "God will never put more on you than you can stand.  God is good.  And, you are strong.  These are not tears of hurt, but tears of anger - perhaps anger at yourself.  You will do big and wonderful things."

He offered for me to come to their home for a few days.  I declined the offer, but thanked him.

After that meeting, I still saw Abueltio walking the streets, selling his bags of candy - 5 pieces for 1.00. My last trip I didn't see him.  I asked my friends at the taquito stand where he was.

Arellia, who runs the taquito stand, slowly turned, "I wondered when you were going to ask.  He loved you as a daughter.  Abuelito died last week."

I couldn't eat anything else.  I wanted to cry - but then I remembered how humble, how kind, and how much Abuelito loved God.  I swallowed hard.

We are very fortunate in life if we have someone like Abuelito to come into our lives - even sporadically.  I can only hope I would or will be a ray of sunshine for someone along life's journey - just like Abuelito was to me.

Belated Mothers Day

I didn't hear from nor get to see my son or grandson for Mothers day.  The reason why, is another story in itself.   I read the posts of everyone talking about their children visiting, doing this and that for them on Mothers day - part of it saddens me, for myself - but I am joyous for the goodness that kids do for their parents.

Today I went to Lamar University for lunch.  It's a great variety of food, cheap enough, and, in the past, I watch the students milling about with each other.  Their exuberance and laughter puts joy in my heart!

Standing in line, a young man walks up behind me and Jess.  "Ma'am,  may I buy ya'll's lunches today, because I have a lot of unused credits that will be wasted?"

I asked, "May I pay you for them?"

He smiled, "No ma'am I didn't get to see my mother for mother's day, it would be an honor for you to consider this as a belated mother's day gift."

I thanked him.  Jess asked his name.  The young man's name is "Jack".

In normal routine, I hugged Jack and thanked him for his kindness.

I was thrilled with the act of kindness.  The kindness made me cry.  I never ask for anything from others.  God knew I needed that little act of kindness and tenderness from a "son" - though it wasn't mine - the meaning was powerful to my heart.

I think of the comment to "pay it forward".  I "pay it forward" all the time - never thinking that one day it would be my turn to receive.  I will do more "pay it forwards" now - I know the joy of receiving.

I hope that from years long ago - that I taught my son to be kind like this.  I hope that he finds the joy that he is looking for with a mother, perhaps even in a stranger, since evidently, it isn't with me.  And, I hope that he makes a gray-haired lady smile and get weepy from the simple joy, just like Jack did to me today.

A few days late, but yes, I had a great mothers day!

Thinking of mothers.....

Mother’s Day

I had three mothers growing up.  I had my biological mother, Margie, who I met when I was thirteen years old and I had a step-mother, Sue who came into my life after she married my dad and I had my grandmother, Pearl/”Maw", who I will always feel was as much a mother to me as someone who gave birth to me. 

I can say I learned from all of them – the way I want to be in life and the way I do not want to be in life.  I learned each had their flaws – sometimes I learned from them and sometimes I followed in wrong footsteps hoping to be accepted.  I learned how to clean from one; how to take advantage of people from another - which, I have since, ceased.  I learned how to love unconditionally from one – from that one – I also learned to can, to quilt, to grow flowers, to work hard and if there's only one piece of cake left - "I'm full and you can have it".  I learned how to be sneaky from one; how to avoid from another, one was big in control, one was big into forgiveness, one saw all my faults and was quick to point them out and to tell me I would never amount to anything, one didn't even include me in her obituary nor did she want to see me before she died - one  taught me how to keep my head screwed on straight and to pray when I was lonely.  She taught me that it takes more to being a mother than just giving birth.   I was discarded by one, loved by one, and felt in the way by another.

Of these, I have lost two to death;  the other, I am not sure I ever had her heart - sometimes I feel it was an act for public view.  

The saying that "children do not come with instructions",  is an understatement.  I know I was high strung, yet grounded in many ways. I guess God knew that it would take three mothers to make me well rounded.  I know that each did their best with me – though many times I did not see it and still don’t think in some facets that my best interest was in mind. 

I am grateful for what each did and didn’t do to me, for me,  and with me.  Their actions, in part, have made me who I am today.  I probably never told them enough that they were special to me and besides the bad or evil,  that they had an impact in my life.    

I miss my Maw – terribly at times – to the point of tears.  Today, is one of those days.  

 I felt for so long I missed out in life of  having a close relationship with either of the other two.  I was jealous of the closeness I saw my friends have with their mothers.  And, I have to say that several of the mothers of my friends told me and showed me immense love.

I have tried to be a positive "mother figure" for several and especially the little ones who call me "MeMe".  I think I have accomplished that goal.  

I suppose, if I count all who cared for me as a mother would care for a child,  I had more than three mothers in my lifetime.  It does take a village.    So for the living and the dead – I hope that you hear me when I say Happy Mothers Day – I love you, not only for what you did or didn’t do to raise me, but I love you for whom you were or are - I am happy with me today.    

 I broke down on the side of a highway today with a flat. I had taken all of the precautions like getting a "real" tire and rim instead of dealing with the "donut". 

Today during church Pastor kept saying "Praise God in all things".  So I thought "Okay I'm gonna praise Him", then I asked that God would protect us and send help.

Come to find out the company sold me a rim that didn't fit my van thus I had no spare.

 2 different vehicles pulled up in no time at all. 

One guy measured the wheel and was going to let us use his spare to get home on - but it, too, didn't fit.   How often does that happen that someone is willing to loan a stranger their tire and rim?

One guy, Lucky, just basically told Jess let's get it in my truck and get it to Walmart before they close. 

Short of that story - we bought a new tire. While at Walmart in Silsbee - the manager learned I was on the side of the road alone. He asked if anyone had an issue with him fixing Jess' tire before theirs - everyone agreed that was fine.

During the time they were gone I had 19 vehicles stop. Each had 2 folks. I had 38 angels watching over me and protecting me from harm - because they all came at intervals - while I stood on the side of the road.  I had Ryan with us - and his Alzheimer's and Parkinson's was kicking in.  He almost went into panic mode on me once.  I finally got him settled on a pallet on the ground - it was the best I could do for him.

Jess and Lucky got back with the tire - and in short order we were back on the road.  

Lucky refused anything for helping - I offered to pay.  "No ma'am, it's what I do."  I asked, "then can I give you a hug?"  "Yes ma'am, my family are all huggers - I understand a good hug!"  he said.  He got a GOOD hug!  We told him where I live and offered for him to stop in any time - I'd make sure the coffee pot was on.

All I can say is "Praise God in all things" 

We are home - and tomorrow - Jess will take my van back to Silsbee to that manager and have him replace all my tires, buy a spare and a new rim that fits. Since the manager was so kind, his department needs my $$ more than another store. 

Just remember "Praise God in all things!  I am new at praising when things are tough - but I am learning - real fast - that you never know what blessings await you - til you praise even in the tough times.  

I have been contemplating a major change in my life for some time now.  Things don't always turn out how we expect them to and our expectations of others sometimes doesn't come to fruition.

Yesterday I had a dear friend tell me "Before you make any changes you need to look at what you have.  You need to examine all the things that are done for you and with you.  You need to think of your right hand.  If I had 100 right hands like that - I would be a millionaire. You are blessed beyond your imagination."

I laid awake last night thinking of those words and thinking what the right hand does do.  He accepts me with my flaws; he works hard with the abilities he has; he is generous to fault; he comes with baggage that I won't get into - but it's baggage he had nothing to do with and yet he has to carry it; he is destructive and hard headed - almost burning down a gazebo because he didn't listen to me - leaving the van unlocked hooked to the trailer in a city far from home at night - things that could be very costly and he doesn't err on the side of caution - but then he cares about the things I want - and my needs.  He is a perfectionist at the things he does.  He is gentle.  He is kind.  He is someone very precious.  He is a Christian and when I stumble - he is there to pick me up.  I can't ask for more than that.

I cried.  I realized it wasn't him who was my problem as much as Satan trying to come to steal and destroy.  I gave thanks - even for the flaws. I am the bread winner in this house.  It is my name out there on things - and his lack of erring on the side of caution bothers me.  Yet, I examined my own life - and realized I have many more flaws than he.

Families staying together seems difficult.  I was,  and am fortunate,  to have a Christian friend who loves me enough to be honest with me.

I woke this Palm Sunday very grateful for life - for my family - for the love that I am given by those around me - and I am confident in saying, I am very blessed.  

Palm Sunday gives us all hope - hope for a life eternal; hope for a tomorrow - hope in living.

I am back on the road working... the Private Investigations stuff.

 I am also writing on a book about domestic violence - it is taking a toll on me in one way.  It pulls at my heart of how many have gone through such hate and horrific stuff in their lives - and it gives me great joy to share their stories because I am hoping it will give courage and encouragement to others who may be going through the similar or same things.

However, the book is pulling me in a good manner as well! It give me hope for others; it is showing me how AWESOME God is and how when we allow Him to rule our paths - things just seem to work out.

Now, don't get me wrong - just because we/they get out of a bad situation - life isn't always easy.  But, the journey that each has taken - WOW - I can't wait to get this one finished!

I've thought of scriptures "I know the plan I have for you, plans to prosper...."  and "I knew you when you were still in your mother's womb... I prepared a path for you..."

And, I think of the story of the woman at the well - where God already knew how many husbands she had - He already knew the life she was living - yet - He forgave and gave her everlasting water.

We have an awesome undeniably great God!

I'm Going to a Quilt Show

I just finished up doing a quilt show in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.  It was a last minute-get-in show.

Tuesday morning I had been praying for God to open the door for a few more shows and help bring in more cash flow.  Susan Brown, a friend called and asked if I was doing the Oklahoma City show.  I said, "No, I've tried to get into it before and couldn't.  I don't think there was room in the past."

Susan said, "Let me get the phone number and you try it."

I phoned.  The lady said, "Let me call you back in 30 minutes to let you know."

Within one and a half hours, I was in the show.

The weather in Beaumont was horrible.  Absolutely - horrible.  I laughed.  I prayed again, "God, this is sort of funny, but you know I need to load that trailer and can't do so in the rain."  God as my witness - within ten minutes - the rain stopped long enough for us to load me up.  Then it started pouring again.

I still had to make the bank run.  I had sent my runner to go get the license plates for my trailer and to pick up another trailer that was being repaired.  He had forgotten the license plates.  It was a "WHIRLWIND" to get the plates before the close of business at the Orange County Tax Office.  I wasn't a happy camper to be detained an additional hour and half while he went and did what he was suppose to have done earlier that morning.

However, I was determined - that he nor the devil - was going to spoil my joy nor my blessing.

I drove late into the night.  I knew I wanted to get past Dallas.  I also knew that I would be sleeping in my cargo van.  We had converted it with carpet, port-a-potty and a full size bed.  It was refreshing at 1am to crawl to the back, put the curtains up and crawl in my bed.  I slept good until my normal 430am built in alarm clock.

I woke excited about the day!   I was heading to a quilt show!  After a brief visit to the coffee bar inside the store and a 'tinkle' break - I was on the road!  The rain was still falling.  It didn't matter - I was heading north - to a quilt show!

Arriving in Oklahoma City, I prayed for God to help me find a bank - the lady wanted cash since I was a "late arrival".  Driving up I-35 - the junker in me spotted a Rehab sign. I exited, made the U-Turn, to realize it was just their offices.  "Oh well," I thought.  "I'm heading to a quilt show!"

As I made the u-turn to get back on I-35 north - what was there on the corner?  Yes, a bank!

I had to wait ten minutes for them to open.  No problem.  The ladies who waited on me were awesome!  Very kind.  Very considerate.  Yes, I invited them to "The Quilt Show".

I arrived 3 hours early.  Checked in.  And, was amazed when I heard her say, "The helper is ready to get you unloaded!"  OH MY!!!

Andrean and I unloaded.  I went about my merry way of setting up.  I had never done a show like this by myself.  I was sort of scared and sort of excited all at the same time.

I have a favorite scripture that kept running through my head while I worked at getting things set up - Philippians 4:13,  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Yes, I knew everything was going to be okay.

The show could have been better, but I am not going to defy my blessing of being there.  I met a lot of wonderfully nice folks and was invited to two other shows!  And, a phone call was made as well as an email sent to get me into possibly 2 other shows.  I suppose I did something right!

Andrean was at my booth at 4:55pm on Saturday.  "You were the nicest and coolest of all these people, so I figure you deserve to be first.  A lot of these ladies are crabby and ugly."  That made me smile.

Andrean checked that no one else was lined up at the back door and I needed to go on and get my van and trailer moved around.  I did.  Between Adrean, his friend Tyrone, and myself - we had me on the road for 5:40pm.  It was cold.  Wind chill was 19 degrees F.

I drove to Pauls Valley, Oklahoma.  I wanted food - real food.  Sit down and be waited on kinda food.  I found a 59-Diner.  I was about to order the chicken fried steak when the waitress said, "Uhm don't order that - order a breakfast.  Our breakfast cook is on and he doesn't do well with the other side of the menu."  My face slanted side ways - but what the heck.  It was warm in the cafe, she was friendly enough, I could see my van and trailer from where I sat.  I enjoyed my breakfast for supper.  And, I took my time.

I made it to the State line a little after 11.  Crawled in the back and thought I was going to get several hours of good sleep.  1:45am I heard the sleet.  It was hitting on the van as if someone was throwing sand or rocks at the van.

I laid there for a little while to see if the sleet would subside.  It didn't.  All I could think of was, "Drive south!"  I took down the curtains and crawled through the door - with my flannel pajamas still on.  Started the van up - let it warm up - and south I headed.  Once again I was thinking - Dallas - but this time, "get south".

I stopped a little after 3am in Ferris, Texas.  When I pulled into the all night store I noticed 3 police cars.  I figured I was safe.  I slept until the biological clock went off at 430am.  I laid there.  I was tired.  I didn't roll out until after 530am.  This time, however, I did get dressed for the day!

 When I went in, I thanked the clerk/owner for letting me spend the night in his driveway.

I filled my cup up with coffee.  "It's on me." he said.  "Excuse me?" I asked.  "The coffee, it's on me." he repeated.  I smiled.  Thanked the man.  As I walked to my van, I thanked God for the morning blessing.

I made a stop in Huntsville at the Walmart.  I had on a flannel shirt that buttoned in the back.  A little 4 year old, I am assuming, came up to me.  "Ma'am you got your shirt on backwards.  I can help you fix it."

"No sweetie, that's the way I made it." I replied.

"Then you must be one of them CUH-WAAAAAYZEEE coonass like my PawPaw cuz he always does things backwards my daddy says."

Out of the mouths of babes!

The last leg of the trip home was uneventful.  It was good to see Beaumont even if I had been in rain for  most of the day.  The fireplace was roaring.  Burgers and fries were cooking.  Jess had the gate open for me.

It's good to be home.  But it was even more better and exciting to be at a quilt show!  I didn't make the money I thought I should have - but - I learned that I do have an inner strength about me - that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and I can do it as a female.

Never allow anyone to steal your dreams - your goals - your desires.  God says he will give us the desires of our hearts.  I have asked.  I have received.  And, I am not ever going to allow anyone to steal my dreams or desires.