Cousins

Cousins - - - -

Sometimes I think FaceBook is the best thing since Apple Pie – then there are other times I see things that brings my heart down or as I usually say "puts my smile at a slant."

This morning was one of those “slant my smile” days for a little while. 

Evidently there was a “cousins” day where all the females got together, or at least that was who was in the picture, at another cousin’s gorgeous home.  I was not invited.  I didn’t know anything about it.  I felt very detached and dejected.

I sat for a long time through tears and looked at each of their faces.  The outward beauty – and then I thought, “but I know where some of their hearts really are.”

I thought of the control a few has on others, the fear of retribution from a couple of them that a few has, should they befriend me, the honesty of many, the hardships of some – and each one – “has a story” – and I probably – no – I have several of my own.

I “told a secret” that I had no idea was a secret …..  several years ago.  That was the beginning – of being told ‘you aren’t a part of us’.   I didn’t agree with someone’s political philosophy – so I was wrong.  I didn’t agree with accepting someone who had not been a part of this “clan” with open arms after she got out of prison for murdering her husband and threatening to kill me after testifying at her trial – forgive her, I did that a long time ago – pray for her – I have done that many many times – and I wish her the best life can offer her – I just chose not to be around her or for her to know what goes on in my life.  I was accused of “tainting others to unfriend  one” – little does she know – she did that on her own – and honestly, I had no clue, at the time,  what she was talking about. 

The more I looked at the picture – I realized – I don’t have to be a part of a group to know where I stand – and who I am, what my beliefs are, or what journey I am taking in life. The absence of being in this group does not make me any more nor any less of a person – none pay my bills; none knows my business; none cares whether I am well or ill.  

I hold nothing against any of them.  I pray for them all.  

 Now, when I look at the picture, I smile – and say, “that’s a beautiful bunch of ladies” and I wish ‘em all well in their life’s journey.  Life is way too short to hold any grudges or try to make someone like who you are without allowing them to dictate or control your thoughts and desires.   And, in the end, it is their heart that they will worry over – I just hope no one has regrets.

Our Client

I have a client that I think the world of.  I don't like to get "close" to a client - so when I say "I think the world of", in this case, that means I think he is getting a raw deal and has gotten a raw deal all his life.

I am in contact with family members.  They are potential witnesses.  We agreed to meet at a location that they chose and the time of their choosing.  I had reservations about the location, but thought, "What the heck.  Just meet get the information you need and keep on going."

I arrived early, so that I could eat a breakfast, say some prayers, get my thoughts in order before the meeting. The attorney arrived shortly after me.  We were prepared.  The "Auntie" phoned to ask "Have you left yet?"  I responded, "Yes ma'am I am already here waiting on ya'll."

Now keep in mind the family was demanding to talk with us.  Communication(s) is a big thing with defendants and a lot of time with their families.  Ethically, we did the right thing.

After 1.5 hours of them being late and 4 phone calls later they arrived. 

I endured 3.5 hours of 7 out of 8 of the rudest, wildest kids in a restaurant this morning - I am grateful I am not a teacher. 

 Auntie and Mama of client shows up - then cousin with EIGHT kids. Cousin, who is about 35 years old,  takes her 3 and goes to the other side of the place - where I later learn she talked some older couple into buying their breakfast - though according - they had already eaten at home. 

The other 5 children are left with us 4 adults - every time the waitresses brought food past - the kids would say "I'm hungry". 

Well the atty nor I are going to let kids be hungry. So we buy breakfast - later to find they had already eaten as well. One ate  like a dog would eat, the other sneezes snot all over the place, and the dog eater knocks off her juice to the floor acting a fool. The others were very well mannered. When the little one gets through with her 3 pancakes - she says "I want more" I said, "No, that's enough." 

We furnished pens, paper, and other things to entertain these kids while the cousin/mama is around the corner mooching off of folks. We asked the adult cousin if the kids go to a boys/girls club? She said "no they don't want to go" I said, "who is the parent you or them?" 

After a while I had endured all I could.  In the mean time - they had ordered MORE sodas and drinks and told the people to put it on my tab. I said "Oh no! You should've asked me first! I am not paying"

I finally gather kids and cousin to go outside for a group picture.  Her son, a big hulk of a lad, was ticked because I asked him to stop shouting in a restaurant.  He tried to knock my iPad and phone out of my hands.  I told him that was rude and uncalled for.  I told him, "these things cost money."  He responded, "white folks have money so it's no big deal to you."   Cousin/Mama asked him "Boy what did you do?"  He responded, "She lying on me."   

After the photo I told her,   "You take 'em to the car and don't bring them back in there."   It was mid-70's so not too hot. 

About 30 minutes after they went to the car - another waitress came and said, "that lady said to put her banana split on your tab" I said "I AM NOT paying for a grown woman's food - I did not authorize that I am not paying." Cousin heard me and skee-daddled to the car.

I understand poor. Truly I do. But I do not understand, nor accept. rude, ill-mannered and takers. 

I know that God puts us in places at times for reasons we do not understand - or in circumstances we do not understand - through all of this - the one lone kid - Lloyd - was a jewel - a real diamond in the rough - who has a God-given talent in art. He would look at a picture and draw it to perfection. Cousin kept saying, "That is a waste of his time all he wants to do is draw." 

We encouraged him. On the way home, I stopped to get art supplies to ship to him - ironically - so did the attorney - without either of us knowing what each other was doing.  Folks, if we don't teach or encourage our kids in positive ways  - whether they are ours by birth or some breeder's kids - we are losing these children to the juvenile system.  As nerve wracking and hectic and unsettling as this morning has been,  I know why these kids were there - his name was Lloyd.  It was our job to encourage Lloyd.  To let him know that what he was doing was a good thing.  And, that there are people who care.

The look on Lloyd's face when we each said we wanted a picture drawn by him  - and we wanted him to sign and date his art work - was priceless.  We couldn't have given that child anything greater.

Encourage a child.  Train up a child to be kind, honest, productive citizens - instead of takers and haters.  

Yes, there are a lot of Lloyd's in the world.  I hope our little influence will keep him on the right path.

Abuelito

For over 35 years on my trips to Las Flores, Progresso, Tamulipas, Mexico, an old man had always found me.  His wife made candy pralines that he would sell on the streets.  The weather never seemed of consequence to his labor  - no matter whether hot/cold - rain/sunshine - "Abuelito" was always around.

He had a huge smile.  I always got a hug from him.  In his later years he would be slower than normal in his walk - but he stood tall as a young man would and he had a gentle character about him.

During a trying time in my life, I would frequent Las Flores - not to buy  - but to hide and enjoy the sights and sounds.  I studied the culture of the people - the way they would do things.

One trip over, Abuelito sat down next to me at my favorite taquito stand.  I was sipping on a Mexican coke, crying.

Abuelito asked me what was wrong - in my broken spanish I told him.

Abuelito, reached into his pocket, pulled out his handkerchief, and wiped my tears.  Then he said, "God will never put more on you than you can stand.  God is good.  And, you are strong.  These are not tears of hurt, but tears of anger - perhaps anger at yourself.  You will do big and wonderful things."

He offered for me to come to their home for a few days.  I declined the offer, but thanked him.

After that meeting, I still saw Abueltio walking the streets, selling his bags of candy - 5 pieces for 1.00. My last trip I didn't see him.  I asked my friends at the taquito stand where he was.

Arellia, who runs the taquito stand, slowly turned, "I wondered when you were going to ask.  He loved you as a daughter.  Abuelito died last week."

I couldn't eat anything else.  I wanted to cry - but then I remembered how humble, how kind, and how much Abuelito loved God.  I swallowed hard.

We are very fortunate in life if we have someone like Abuelito to come into our lives - even sporadically.  I can only hope I would or will be a ray of sunshine for someone along life's journey - just like Abuelito was to me.

Belated Mothers Day

I didn't hear from nor get to see my son or grandson for Mothers day.  The reason why, is another story in itself.   I read the posts of everyone talking about their children visiting, doing this and that for them on Mothers day - part of it saddens me, for myself - but I am joyous for the goodness that kids do for their parents.

Today I went to Lamar University for lunch.  It's a great variety of food, cheap enough, and, in the past, I watch the students milling about with each other.  Their exuberance and laughter puts joy in my heart!

Standing in line, a young man walks up behind me and Jess.  "Ma'am,  may I buy ya'll's lunches today, because I have a lot of unused credits that will be wasted?"

I asked, "May I pay you for them?"

He smiled, "No ma'am I didn't get to see my mother for mother's day, it would be an honor for you to consider this as a belated mother's day gift."

I thanked him.  Jess asked his name.  The young man's name is "Jack".

In normal routine, I hugged Jack and thanked him for his kindness.

I was thrilled with the act of kindness.  The kindness made me cry.  I never ask for anything from others.  God knew I needed that little act of kindness and tenderness from a "son" - though it wasn't mine - the meaning was powerful to my heart.

I think of the comment to "pay it forward".  I "pay it forward" all the time - never thinking that one day it would be my turn to receive.  I will do more "pay it forwards" now - I know the joy of receiving.

I hope that from years long ago - that I taught my son to be kind like this.  I hope that he finds the joy that he is looking for with a mother, perhaps even in a stranger, since evidently, it isn't with me.  And, I hope that he makes a gray-haired lady smile and get weepy from the simple joy, just like Jack did to me today.

A few days late, but yes, I had a great mothers day!

Thinking of mothers.....

Mother’s Day

I had three mothers growing up.  I had my biological mother, Margie, who I met when I was thirteen years old and I had a step-mother, Sue who came into my life after she married my dad and I had my grandmother, Pearl/”Maw", who I will always feel was as much a mother to me as someone who gave birth to me. 

I can say I learned from all of them – the way I want to be in life and the way I do not want to be in life.  I learned each had their flaws – sometimes I learned from them and sometimes I followed in wrong footsteps hoping to be accepted.  I learned how to clean from one; how to take advantage of people from another - which, I have since, ceased.  I learned how to love unconditionally from one – from that one – I also learned to can, to quilt, to grow flowers, to work hard and if there's only one piece of cake left - "I'm full and you can have it".  I learned how to be sneaky from one; how to avoid from another, one was big in control, one was big into forgiveness, one saw all my faults and was quick to point them out and to tell me I would never amount to anything, one didn't even include me in her obituary nor did she want to see me before she died - one  taught me how to keep my head screwed on straight and to pray when I was lonely.  She taught me that it takes more to being a mother than just giving birth.   I was discarded by one, loved by one, and felt in the way by another.

Of these, I have lost two to death;  the other, I am not sure I ever had her heart - sometimes I feel it was an act for public view.  

The saying that "children do not come with instructions",  is an understatement.  I know I was high strung, yet grounded in many ways. I guess God knew that it would take three mothers to make me well rounded.  I know that each did their best with me – though many times I did not see it and still don’t think in some facets that my best interest was in mind. 

I am grateful for what each did and didn’t do to me, for me,  and with me.  Their actions, in part, have made me who I am today.  I probably never told them enough that they were special to me and besides the bad or evil,  that they had an impact in my life.    

I miss my Maw – terribly at times – to the point of tears.  Today, is one of those days.  

 I felt for so long I missed out in life of  having a close relationship with either of the other two.  I was jealous of the closeness I saw my friends have with their mothers.  And, I have to say that several of the mothers of my friends told me and showed me immense love.

I have tried to be a positive "mother figure" for several and especially the little ones who call me "MeMe".  I think I have accomplished that goal.  

I suppose, if I count all who cared for me as a mother would care for a child,  I had more than three mothers in my lifetime.  It does take a village.    So for the living and the dead – I hope that you hear me when I say Happy Mothers Day – I love you, not only for what you did or didn’t do to raise me, but I love you for whom you were or are - I am happy with me today.    

 I broke down on the side of a highway today with a flat. I had taken all of the precautions like getting a "real" tire and rim instead of dealing with the "donut". 

Today during church Pastor kept saying "Praise God in all things".  So I thought "Okay I'm gonna praise Him", then I asked that God would protect us and send help.

Come to find out the company sold me a rim that didn't fit my van thus I had no spare.

 2 different vehicles pulled up in no time at all. 

One guy measured the wheel and was going to let us use his spare to get home on - but it, too, didn't fit.   How often does that happen that someone is willing to loan a stranger their tire and rim?

One guy, Lucky, just basically told Jess let's get it in my truck and get it to Walmart before they close. 

Short of that story - we bought a new tire. While at Walmart in Silsbee - the manager learned I was on the side of the road alone. He asked if anyone had an issue with him fixing Jess' tire before theirs - everyone agreed that was fine.

During the time they were gone I had 19 vehicles stop. Each had 2 folks. I had 38 angels watching over me and protecting me from harm - because they all came at intervals - while I stood on the side of the road.  I had Ryan with us - and his Alzheimer's and Parkinson's was kicking in.  He almost went into panic mode on me once.  I finally got him settled on a pallet on the ground - it was the best I could do for him.

Jess and Lucky got back with the tire - and in short order we were back on the road.  

Lucky refused anything for helping - I offered to pay.  "No ma'am, it's what I do."  I asked, "then can I give you a hug?"  "Yes ma'am, my family are all huggers - I understand a good hug!"  he said.  He got a GOOD hug!  We told him where I live and offered for him to stop in any time - I'd make sure the coffee pot was on.

All I can say is "Praise God in all things" 

We are home - and tomorrow - Jess will take my van back to Silsbee to that manager and have him replace all my tires, buy a spare and a new rim that fits. Since the manager was so kind, his department needs my $$ more than another store. 

Just remember "Praise God in all things!  I am new at praising when things are tough - but I am learning - real fast - that you never know what blessings await you - til you praise even in the tough times.  

I have been contemplating a major change in my life for some time now.  Things don't always turn out how we expect them to and our expectations of others sometimes doesn't come to fruition.

Yesterday I had a dear friend tell me "Before you make any changes you need to look at what you have.  You need to examine all the things that are done for you and with you.  You need to think of your right hand.  If I had 100 right hands like that - I would be a millionaire. You are blessed beyond your imagination."

I laid awake last night thinking of those words and thinking what the right hand does do.  He accepts me with my flaws; he works hard with the abilities he has; he is generous to fault; he comes with baggage that I won't get into - but it's baggage he had nothing to do with and yet he has to carry it; he is destructive and hard headed - almost burning down a gazebo because he didn't listen to me - leaving the van unlocked hooked to the trailer in a city far from home at night - things that could be very costly and he doesn't err on the side of caution - but then he cares about the things I want - and my needs.  He is a perfectionist at the things he does.  He is gentle.  He is kind.  He is someone very precious.  He is a Christian and when I stumble - he is there to pick me up.  I can't ask for more than that.

I cried.  I realized it wasn't him who was my problem as much as Satan trying to come to steal and destroy.  I gave thanks - even for the flaws. I am the bread winner in this house.  It is my name out there on things - and his lack of erring on the side of caution bothers me.  Yet, I examined my own life - and realized I have many more flaws than he.

Families staying together seems difficult.  I was,  and am fortunate,  to have a Christian friend who loves me enough to be honest with me.

I woke this Palm Sunday very grateful for life - for my family - for the love that I am given by those around me - and I am confident in saying, I am very blessed.  

Palm Sunday gives us all hope - hope for a life eternal; hope for a tomorrow - hope in living.