For some reason this evening, I feel royally drained - emotionally, mentally - at least.

A client was in court today for a Ferreta Hearing.  This is a hearing where a defendant asks the court to represent himself.  This is a death penalty case - capital murder.  The State of Texas is seeking the death penalty.  The client wants the death penalty.  As he says "None of my family wants me alive anyway."  

I sat in the courtroom today listening to this guy's history.  Dad died before he was born; Mom committed suicide when he was 2.  Because of the SSI checks he received an Aunt and Uncle took him in.  He was beat on a regular basis.  He went to live with his grandparents.  He loved them.  They were his life.  His "PawPaw" died when defendant was 14.  His "MawMaw" died when defendant was 15.  His world crashed.

He has an 8th grade education.  He is street wise and self taught in many ways - some for the good - many others, not for the good.

My heart hurt hearing his story.  He has spent over 1/2 of his life in and out of prisons or institutions.  

Sitting quietly in the gallery behind him, defendant turned to ask one of the guards who was the lady in street clothes.  The officer told him.  The defendant looked at me.  "Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm your private investigator." I said.

"Who is paying you?" he asked.

"I am court appointed just like your attorney is," I replied.

"I guess you hate me too?" he asked.

"No, I like you and I have sat back here praying for you during this hearing." I responded.

Big Bad Defendant melted.  The courtroom was silent.  No one said a word.  And, Big Bad Defendant never uttered another cuss word.

I look at clients like him and wonder with all the smarts that he has learned on his own, what he would have been like if someone would have just loved him?  What made him turn out to be a racist?  What made him hurt so badly that he wants to hurt others?

I think of the furniture and other things that have been discarded on the roads that I pick up and refurbish.  I think of my own life and the flaws I have.  So many times we discard people simply because they don't add up, because they aren't what we as a society think they should be.  "The Lost Ones" as I was told today.  

I'm glad that God doesn't give up on us.  I am glad that God doesn't discard us just because of our flaws.  And, perhaps one day, Big Bad Defendant will remember there was a gray haired lady sitting behind him that said she was praying for him.  And, I did - for well over 2 hours.  

No one is perfect.  We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God....who am I to discard another human?  I may not associate with certain ones, I may stay clear of others....but I am not discarding a life....and in the end....maybe Big Bad Defendant will accept Jesus as his Savior and ask for forgiveness....and maybe somewhere he will learn to forgive himself.  We all deserve that opportunity.

I've thought about the times I've told my sons not to do something, because in the long run I knew it would hurt them or be harmful to them.  Of course, like most kids, they always know more than the parent and are going to do things their way.

So is the life of Christians.  Many times we decide "we have this" and take off on a path or journey that just isn't in God's plan for us.  In doing so, we end up hurting, stressed, and not liking life.

Thank God, we can talk to Him and He will help us get back on the right road!  I suppose had we spoke to God, asked for guidance in the first place, we'd have kept our own train on the right track.

We are so quick to give advice to others, and, many times, we don't even know which way we are heading - because we don't follow "Our Father's Plan".

Pray for guidance.

The LIttle Church

The folks who go to the little church on the backside of my property have always been very generous.  Recently our neighborhood association started meeting over in their sanctuary once a month.  Rev Thompson is old school, proper, funny, loving.

Me and Jess decided because of their generosity, that we would do something for them.  So, we now mow the yard.  Today I bought yellow lantana to go in a flower bed.  We have ordered a sign to replace the one that is tearing and frayed.

I asked a friend not too long ago about tithing.  I know the Bible says gives 10% of your earnings to the Church.  I don't belong to any one particular church.  We just haven't found the right church.

I believe I am doing this right.  I can only hope that when you give of yourself to a church that you are giving your tithes.  The plants are from me.  The new sign I ordered is from me.

I don't go to this church - but I have friends there.  I know it makes them happy to see the changes - the new things taking place - and that makes me happy.

I am not giving this to the church and their members specifically - but I plant for the Lord.  I plant Him some flowers at His house.

We don't always have the money to give- but we can all give of ourselves.

Our recently planted garden just seems to be taking off.  Each morning I take my cup of coffee and walk through the garden amazed at how overnight the plants have grown and at how the vegetables are sprouting and flowering.

Look at how thin this stalk is!  Yet, it bears fruit.

In our lives, sometimes we feel so inadequate about things that God wants us to do.  We fear we aren't good enough, strong enough, wise enough or whatever enough - yet, when we look at the birds in the air and how they fly with no problems or the ships with large cargos in the deep oceans floating - and a simple small stalk holding the weight of the fruit it bears.

God tells us "Fear not..."  over and over He says "Fear not...."  in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible.  Yet, we walk around in fear.

Perhaps we should take lessons from this plant - our lives may be small, but the fruit we bear - the seeds we plant in our lives and the lives of others - bring forth fruit.  Never under estimate yourself and your self-worth.  If God has you here, He has you here to bear fruit in the garden of life.

Building Planter Boxes

We are building more planter boxes today.  We use these planter boxes for planting vegetables.  In making these next three it was important to cut a pine tree down.  

Now, Jess is great at tearing down, cutting down, but angling things maybe not so.  The one pine, the smallest of them all, nearly toppled the other direction.  

For a few fleeting moments - I thought of the damages with Hurricane Rita and all the trees and fencing I had lost.  Jess raced as fast as his arthritic knees would carry him to get a board to prop it up and a rope to tie it off with.  I roped the tree and he put the back end of the rope to my little truck and pulled the rope taut.  We were able to get the jammed saw from between the bottom and the top of the tree.   And, eventually, the tree fell where we needed it to.

As he is out cutting the limbs off and cutting the tree up to be hauled to the street, I have sat in amazement.  

We could have both been hurt badly.  With quick thinking - working together -  we were successful.

We stand tall as a tree when things are going well for us.  We sway with the seasons as the tree sways to the wind.  We are the tree that topples from side to side when things or people hurt us.  Depending on our strength depends on how we survive the storms of life.  

I think that life is a lot like that tree.  Just as we were cutting that tree's trunk close to the bottom, we get our knees knocked out from under us from time to time.  The rope we used, can be compared to God reaching His arms out to keep us from toppling and holding us taut.  Then, when we fall, God is there to hold us in His comforting, loving arms.  

Our Father may allow us to fall, but that is only to make us look UP and build that faith.  Life isn't down in the dumps, wallering in our past, constantly brow beating ourselves.... it is a faithful walk with God that leads us Home.  

Like the tree, we sway in the wind, but like the rope - God is always there holding us taut - and when we work God's plan in our lives - we are successful.  

Family Members

It's a sad day when families divide, especially when it is over lies, hate, discontent, jealousy - things that are trivial to when we get to where we are going - as in the "after life".

I have an Aunt who several years ago phoned to ask for forgiveness for something she had done.  As I told her, I forgave you long ago.  "I am asking for forgiveness, but I don't want to see you."

I've held that to be strange.  You ask for forgiveness then you still ex-communicate someone from your life who did nothing wrong in the first place.  Once again, I forgave.

This Aunt is dying.  She has cancer.  The chemotherapy is tough on her.  She isn't holding things down and now is getting a feeding tube.

I would love to go and hug her one last time while she is alive.  I would love to be able to "clean the slate" before she passes.  She was always a favorite Aunt to me, she still is - because I hold the memories of my childhood with her versus the ugly caused by someone other than she or I.

Instead, I pray - and I send cards to her.

Folks, life is just way too short for families to be divided.  The Bible states that the beginning of the end of time is when families divide.  I am not for certain that means God is coming again - but I do believe it means that when families divide - that is the end of that family.

I do have family members that I chose not to be around - if they came to my house - I wouldn't be rude nor bad to them - I just don't go see them nor do I go to places where they may be, because I do not chose to have their drugs, their lies, their schemes -around me.  I do not chose for a few to be my constant, nor infrequent, visitor - for my safety and the safety of my home.

We may not agree with family members - and that's okay - but to out and out cut them from your life if they were a part of it to begin with - well - that seems an awfully lonely path to have to follow and how will you explain that when you get to Heaven?

We are born into a family - but sometimes the friends become our family -so, in my eyes,  family is what we end up with in the end - blood or no blood.

Ya'll pass a good one!

I have published my second book! Yes indeed and I am so excited with it. The Four Little Kittens has now gone international! I've been able to read to children in classrooms, about to read to another school in Arkansas, and in June I am part of a reading program both in Beaumont and in San Augustine, Texas.

But the COOLEST thing - is teaching kids about "adjectives"! I recently had a class whom I had read to "write their own stories" after hearing about the kittens. To be an inspiration to a child and help expand their mind is one of the most awesome experiences I have had.

I can't wait to read to another group - and then - Timmy Goes To the Farm which is at the Editor's right now - should be out by summer! Come along for an adventure as I not only continue to pursue my career as a Private Investigator and Quilter, but also as a writer.