Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Belated Mothers Day

I didn't hear from nor get to see my son or grandson for Mothers day.  The reason why, is another story in itself.   I read the posts of everyone talking about their children visiting, doing this and that for them on Mothers day - part of it saddens me, for myself - but I am joyous for the goodness that kids do for their parents.

Today I went to Lamar University for lunch.  It's a great variety of food, cheap enough, and, in the past, I watch the students milling about with each other.  Their exuberance and laughter puts joy in my heart!

Standing in line, a young man walks up behind me and Jess.  "Ma'am,  may I buy ya'll's lunches today, because I have a lot of unused credits that will be wasted?"

I asked, "May I pay you for them?"

He smiled, "No ma'am I didn't get to see my mother for mother's day, it would be an honor for you to consider this as a belated mother's day gift."

I thanked him.  Jess asked his name.  The young man's name is "Jack".

In normal routine, I hugged Jack and thanked him for his kindness.

I was thrilled with the act of kindness.  The kindness made me cry.  I never ask for anything from others.  God knew I needed that little act of kindness and tenderness from a "son" - though it wasn't mine - the meaning was powerful to my heart.

I think of the comment to "pay it forward".  I "pay it forward" all the time - never thinking that one day it would be my turn to receive.  I will do more "pay it forwards" now - I know the joy of receiving.

I hope that from years long ago - that I taught my son to be kind like this.  I hope that he finds the joy that he is looking for with a mother, perhaps even in a stranger, since evidently, it isn't with me.  And, I hope that he makes a gray-haired lady smile and get weepy from the simple joy, just like Jack did to me today.

A few days late, but yes, I had a great mothers day!

Friday, May 10, 2013

Thinking of mothers.....

Mother’s Day

I had three mothers growing up.  I had my biological mother, Margie, who I met when I was thirteen years old and I had a step-mother, Sue who came into my life after she married my dad and I had my grandmother, Pearl/”Maw", who I will always feel was as much a mother to me as someone who gave birth to me. 

I can say I learned from all of them – the way I want to be in life and the way I do not want to be in life.  I learned each had their flaws – sometimes I learned from them and sometimes I followed in wrong footsteps hoping to be accepted.  I learned how to clean from one; how to take advantage of people from another - which, I have since, ceased.  I learned how to love unconditionally from one – from that one – I also learned to can, to quilt, to grow flowers, to work hard and if there's only one piece of cake left - "I'm full and you can have it".  I learned how to be sneaky from one; how to avoid from another, one was big in control, one was big into forgiveness, one saw all my faults and was quick to point them out and to tell me I would never amount to anything, one didn't even include me in her obituary nor did she want to see me before she died - one  taught me how to keep my head screwed on straight and to pray when I was lonely.  She taught me that it takes more to being a mother than just giving birth.   I was discarded by one, loved by one, and felt in the way by another.

Of these, I have lost two to death;  the other, I am not sure I ever had her heart - sometimes I feel it was an act for public view.  

The saying that "children do not come with instructions",  is an understatement.  I know I was high strung, yet grounded in many ways. I guess God knew that it would take three mothers to make me well rounded.  I know that each did their best with me – though many times I did not see it and still don’t think in some facets that my best interest was in mind. 

I am grateful for what each did and didn’t do to me, for me,  and with me.  Their actions, in part, have made me who I am today.  I probably never told them enough that they were special to me and besides the bad or evil,  that they had an impact in my life.    

I miss my Maw – terribly at times – to the point of tears.  Today, is one of those days.  

 I felt for so long I missed out in life of  having a close relationship with either of the other two.  I was jealous of the closeness I saw my friends have with their mothers.  And, I have to say that several of the mothers of my friends told me and showed me immense love.

I have tried to be a positive "mother figure" for several and especially the little ones who call me "MeMe".  I think I have accomplished that goal.  

I suppose, if I count all who cared for me as a mother would care for a child,  I had more than three mothers in my lifetime.  It does take a village.    So for the living and the dead – I hope that you hear me when I say Happy Mothers Day – I love you, not only for what you did or didn’t do to raise me, but I love you for whom you were or are - I am happy with me today.