Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Cousins - - - -
Sometimes I think FaceBook is the best thing since Apple Pie – then there are other times I see things that brings my heart down or as I usually say "puts my smile at a slant."
This morning was one of those “slant my smile” days for a little while.
Evidently there was a “cousins” day where all the females got together, or at least that was who was in the picture, at another cousin’s gorgeous home. I was not invited. I didn’t know anything about it. I felt very detached and dejected.
I sat for a long time through tears and looked at each of their faces. The outward beauty – and then I thought, “but I know where some of their hearts really are.”
I thought of the control a few has on others, the fear of retribution from a couple of them that a few has, should they befriend me, the honesty of many, the hardships of some – and each one – “has a story” – and I probably – no – I have several of my own.
I “told a secret” that I had no idea was a secret ….. several years ago. That was the beginning – of being told ‘you aren’t a part of us’. I didn’t agree with someone’s political philosophy – so I was wrong. I didn’t agree with accepting someone who had not been a part of this “clan” with open arms after she got out of prison for murdering her husband and threatening to kill me after testifying at her trial – forgive her, I did that a long time ago – pray for her – I have done that many many times – and I wish her the best life can offer her – I just chose not to be around her or for her to know what goes on in my life. I was accused of “tainting others to unfriend one” – little does she know – she did that on her own – and honestly, I had no clue, at the time, what she was talking about.
The more I looked at the picture – I realized – I don’t have to be a part of a group to know where I stand – and who I am, what my beliefs are, or what journey I am taking in life. The absence of being in this group does not make me any more nor any less of a person – none pay my bills; none knows my business; none cares whether I am well or ill.
I hold nothing against any of them. I pray for them all.
Now, when I look at the picture, I smile – and say, “that’s a beautiful bunch of ladies” and I wish ‘em all well in their life’s journey. Life is way too short to hold any grudges or try to make someone like who you are without allowing them to dictate or control your thoughts and desires. And, in the end, it is their heart that they will worry over – I just hope no one has regrets.