The Abuser Part II of a Series

The Abuser Part II of a Series

For the most part, the abuser, comes off as a sweet charming person. Abusers are not only men! I’ve had to counsel several men who were so kind and “wimpy” that they were the abused.

I’ve found that the abuser is normally a “closet case”. What do I mean? Simply that if you met him on the street you would think he was the most charming wonderful person you could ever meet.

They are proficient in details, cool, collective, and everyone likes them on their job. They are the center of the crowd. They always have a smile or a kind comment for someone.

“Closet case” is one that once the doors are closed, the abuse begins. Many times the abuse is only verbal. Degradations, name-calling, belittling to name a few are a few of the ways a person can be abused. Words come out like “you are stupid”, “you have no friends”, “no one is going to love you the way I do” or “no one will put up with you the way I have.” Lord I hope not! I hope when an abused gets out of the negative relationship that they find peace and someone who WILL truly love them. Because, if being abused is love, I don’t want any part of that!

Fear and dread of being alone with him sets into the mind. Fear that the verbal abuse will escalate to something more – and many times it does.

The abuser is a bully. He takes out his own inhibitions, his own failures, his own sadness, his own inadequacies, and hate on people he can control.

The abuser may have learned his actions from his childhood. It may seem “normal” to him. Or his actions could be a learned behavior – a behavior that makes him feel superior.

No matter how the abuser learned – NO ONE deserves to stay in an abusive relationship! If anyone, Preacher, Priest, counselor ever says you have to stay – tell them to go live with the person for a while – I’ll bet you money – they, too, would be ready to get out! Remember, those giving advise are human – Pray it out. Find a way out. But GET OUT. Get out before one of you ends up dead!

My brother has told me many times, he thought of the relationship between Anthony and me. I had to leave a very precious part of my life with Anthony – but as my brother said – “If you wouldn’t have got out, you’d either be in prison or dead.”

I beg of you, to get out of relationships that are not good for you. There are women’s shelters, there are friends – even if your family isn’t supportive of you – there are ways to get out.

I do not believe that God wants us to be abused. I believe that through the abuse we grow – if we want to grow – in strength, courage, spiritually through prayers and supplication. I have no doubt that you will be a better person – if ONLY for yourself. Your life is worth more than staying in the chaos.

You are a special someone, God doesn’t make junk. Take care of your life. Never allow abuse. Stand up for yourself. Get out if you need to. Study, read, and educate yourself – and in the interim – I’m going to be praying for your safety!

Pass a good one!